


Attorney Fortress

by RiceArchbishop



Category: Team Fortress 2, 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: A surprising lack of hats, Alternate Universe - TF2, Crack, Gen, Lazy title is lazy, Phoenix Wright Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2232567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiceArchbishop/pseuds/RiceArchbishop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>THAT FULBRIGHT IS A SPY!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attorney Fortress

**Author's Note:**

> This is what my writing looks like when I write at 2 a.m. while drunk. The more you know.

The battlefield was a mess of conflicting sounds.  
  
Arrows, shells, and bullets whizzed through the air, with explosives adding exclamation marks to the chatter of machine gun fire. The  _whoosh_  of flames occasionally added a low note to the cacophony, often accompanied by the soprano of screams. Allies shouted advice to each other and jeers at the enemy as the cracked cries of the wounded attracted the attention of battlefield medics.  
  
One such medic rushed through the chaos.  
  
"Re-incorporate as a mercenary group, they said," Phoenix muttered to himself, unslinging the medigun. "It's a growth market, they said."  
  
He focused the beam onto the wounded heavy weapons expert before him, the flesh stitching itself back together before his eyes. The large man heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks, pal," he said, hoisting his minigun. "Gotta get back in there. Watch out- I heard a weird noise earlier, we might have a spy."  
  
Phoenix nodded, turning the medibeam on a passing soldier. "Y'know, Apollo," he remarked as the solider reloaded, "I don't think those hair spikes are regulation."   
  
"We're not regular army, boss," said Apollo, peering around a corner. He loosed a couple of rockets and jumped back as an answering spray of machine gun fire peppered the ground around him. "Turret up top. You might want to go check with Engineering, see if they can do something about that."  
  
Phoenix returned to the second floor of the ramshackle fort, where Trucy was overseeing the defense of the ramparts. "Truce! Apollo said something about a sentry across the way?"   
  
"Yeah, Daddy!" she shouted back over the din. "I'm working with Edgeworth to try and clear it out, but he says he can't get a clean shot- there's another sniper keeping him under cover."  
  
"Maybe we should just all become snipers," Phoenix muttered. Quietly, though- the last time anyone had heard that idea it had ended up with twenty people pointing sniper rifles at each other.   
  
"If you could grab Athena, she might be able to draw his fire, she's quick enough to dodge-" Trucy's eyes suddenly went wide as an alert blared on one of the devices strapped to her hip. "Spy! There's a spy sapping my teleporter!"  
  
Phoenix was already moving. The teleporters were set up in the sewers to give the team quick access to the enemy base-losing them would mean losing a huge amount of pressure on the enemy intelligence. As he entered the sewers, he swapped his medigun for his sidearm- a face full of needles might not be the deadliest thing on the planet, but it would do in a pinch. The team's resident pyromaniac jogged up next to him, to his great relief- direct combat was not his strong suit. The two exchanged a nod, and he followed the masked figure into the sewers.   
  
Down at the forward operating base, the pair found a scene of chaos- a sapper buzzed away on the teleporter, and on the floor beside it-   
  
"Oh, hell." Phoenix knelt over the body of Demolitions Expert Blackquill. The poor man seemed to have been stabbed while waiting for the portal to recharge; his hand was still on the hilt of his sword.   
  
"Mmmph-mmph-mm?" asked the Pyro. Phoenix grimaced.  
  
"There's not much point at this stage," he said. "But I guess it'll save him some dignity, at least." He turned the medibeam on the ex-prosecutor's body, and the flesh began to slowly heal. It couldn't bring the samurai back to life, though. Phoenix sighed. "Well, I suppose we have a-"  
  
"Spy problem?" finished Fulbright, who was now somehow standing right behind them. Both Phoenix and the Pyro jumped as their teammate de-cloaked. "Indeed! Never fear, though- justice shall prevail!" The former detective adjusted his sunglasses as he spoke. "Now, we'll need to set up a perimeter- can't have this devil slipping away! Let's get everyone's eyes on the intel room, we'll need as much defense as we can muster..."  
  
Phoenix yelped as he felt a sharp tug on his pant leg. He looked down, dumbfounded, to see that Blackquill was not quite as dead as previously suspected. The younger man had one finger extended toward the detective, and coughed as though his lungs had only recently been un-punctured.   
  
"That Fulbright is a spy!"  
  
The change in Fulbright's demeanor was sudden and drastic. A gun appeared from nowhere, rapidly moving towards Phoenix's head as he scrambled for his sidearm-  
  
 _FWOOSH_  
  
The spy was suddenly sprinting away, screaming as the Pyro's flamethrower made its presence known. Phoenix finally fumbled out his syringe gun, panting as the enemy made it to the river that separated the two forts. He turned to the Pyro. "Thanks."  
  
"Mmmph- mrrgh." The other mercenary grumbled in annoyance as their speech was garbled, reaching up to unseal the gas mask. "Hah! Back in my day spies actually knew how to finish off their targets!" snarled Oldbag. She glared at Phoenix. "And medics could unholster their weapons in less than twenty seconds." She sniffed, stalking off back towards the base as Phoenix was left to fuss over the recumbent-but-still-thankfully-alive Blackquill.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Up in the ramparts, ex-King of Prosecutors Miles Edgeworth was now King of No Man's Land, having removed the enemy sniper and engineer thanks to a crafty joint effort by Athena and Apollo. As he watched, a flaming figure dived out of the fort's sewers into the river. He recognized the hair- Fulbright. He was about to continue scanning for threats when the man disappeared.   
  
 _Completely_  disappeared.  
  
Trucy had been very careful to make Fulbright's cloak visible to friendly teammates. That meant that this couldn't be Fulbright- it was a spy. But if they thought they were safe, they might slip up....  
  
 _There._  A slight ripple in the water where the spy was standing, happily catching their breath after what had clearly been a traumatic incident in the sewers. Edgeworth lined up the shot, guessing roughly at where the head should be based on Fulbright's height. Breathe in, breathe out.  
  
 **BANG**  
  
The corpse of an enemy spy floated in the water. Edgeworth half-smiled to himself.   
  
"Running about like a bloody idiot."


End file.
